One thing I have observed in the aftermath of the repeal of Roe v. Wade that I did not expect to see is that I constantly see women who choose to not have children judge women who do so. Just today my good ol’ TikTok feed supplied me a video about the phenomenon of microchimerism, where fetal stem cells can migrate to the mother’s brain. The science is fascinating and strangely beautiful, and it is a very complex phenomenon still being researched, with its assorted ups and downs. But I had to venture outside of the video’s context to learn about the intricacies of that science, because all the video and its commenters served to do was cement pregnancy as something horrific and undesirable by skewing the facts of the science at face value. The video as a microcosm pushed the message that pregnancy is subjecting yourself to some undesirable body horror, and the women abstaining from that are somehow more righteous than those who do.
Because going about life the way you see fit is obviously a constant war of comparison between who is “better” at “sticking it to the man” and being a perfect agent of self indulgence.
I think that, because abortion rights have been so under attack and undermined, these people are associating having children as something one is forced to do. If you have a kid, now it is automatically assumed that you had no control over your decision, as opposed to choosing to use birth control. Even though it is zero business of other people how a family starts or what other people choose to do with their bodies. It is a misguided form of self reassurance where we create hierarchies based on extremely personal choices and judge others accordingly, with our own choices always being at the top of the ladder. We instinctively attack and attempt to undermine what we don’t understand or what makes us feel uncomfortable due to that lack of understanding.
It is also telling that women are being criticized by other women by doing something so strongly associated with feminine gender roles.
But what’s the difference between a woman who decides to have a kid/start a family, and a woman who doesn’t want to do that in her life? Literally nothing. You have no right to judge someone on their life decisions if it is literally harming no one, and you have no right to make assumptions about someone for simply going about a process of life as they see fit. And we should fight for the right for bodily autonomy in all of its forms, because true choice means permitting all of the options regarding starting or not starting a family. All of them.
Tags: biases, bodily autonomy, choice, people being judgmental assholes, science