Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

There’s No Trains To Heaven

Wednesday, December 13th, 2023

Things I made this semester: A just barely 19 page long historiography paper. An accompanying 7 and a half page long research proposal with 22 page long annotated bibliography because I found too many interesting sources and had too much to say about them. An 8 page long paper about seditious speech that could have been a little shorter but I had too much to say about that, too. One data research analysis report (with accompanying fun bar graph). A basically functional, entirely responsive website with 7 individual pages (which I’m still putting the final touches on). In between all of this I recorded an eleven song album of nuclear reactor core folk ditties, all by my lonesome.

T’was a good semester.

I also changed my major. Again. This summer I’d declared a second major in history to go with my studies in emerging media and technology with a minor in web design. But I wasn’t too sure about the latter degree. Part of why I was clinging to EMAT was plain ol’ fear, to be completely honest. Not a crippling or conscious fear, but the oft-restated assumption lingering in the back of my head: it’ll make you marketable. If you get a bachelor of arts, you’ll either be out of a decent job or trapped in the stressful, low-paying world of education. Get that ~science~ certificate in your life and you’ll be rolling in that dough and not destute, unlike those silly B.A. kids.

Well, I don’t necessarily agree with that train of thought. Having had the concept of “STEM” shoved down my throat in even middle school, I’ve grown critical of the importance we place on those fields specifically. As vital as technology and science are, you also have to realize that the social sciences are just as useful to, well, society. Yet such fields are looked down upon. No wonder people nowadays are barely capable of critical thought, take everything (especially media) at face value, and barely know the basic facts about their own country’s past. It’s because we condition kids to doze off in their classes and not take education on any level seriously, especially not the subjects associated with boring, stuffy things like reading and interpreting and thinking. Too much hard work, let’s rah-rah the football team instead.

Learning history and connecting it to the present is one of the most important things you can do to become a more aware citizen, and it’s time we stop pushing this culture of self-consciousness over what people think of us because of our degrees or careers and actually work on ourselves to actually get some informed participation in society. As for the career part, my workplace on campus is proof enough to me that studying history can get you a fulfilling job that lets you utilize the skills you honed and information about the wider world you picked up in your studies. It helps you connect with people and their past experiences. It helps you contextualize the world you currently live in. And by studying things objectively, it helps you become a more logical person less swayed by disgusting propagandic appeals to emotion. It just helps you become a better person. Realizing that that is the path I want to take, as opposed to sticking with a major I just wasn’t fully jiving with in the name of some enigmatic ideal of making my chosen institution proud or something, is very freeing.

The web design minor is staying because I just genuinely love twiggling around with my little HTML and CSS files and applying my graphic design Skillz in that manner. On the other hand, I’ve picked up another minor: creative writing. I’ve always taken my writing abilities for granted; I’m a great writer, I’d say. But only now have I really felt empowered (to use a cheesy term for lack of a better one) to express it in a creative way – and not just in the songwriting department. I think I felt for a while that I had to suppress my “creative” side in order to appear serious to…I don’t even know who I was trying to appeal to. But my brain has been firing off in too many directions lately, and has been too inspired by the world around me and my various influences to let my individual perspective linger in the background. I gotta do me.

So I went from English while enrolling –> Journalism because I was under the assumption that all the English majors were going to be Swifties –> Public Relations for a few weeks because I had no idea what I was doing –> Emerging Media and Technology with web design concentration –> History + EMAT + web design –> History major + web design minor + creative writing minor. That’s a really weird and still incomplete circle, but it’s fun to think about.

Wednesday, August 30th, 2023

First Chick tract of the year acquired today, and the second one that’s been actually handed to me. “Friendly” guy on the bus must’ve seen my Doc Martens and corduroy jacket and assumed (correctly) that I was cavorting with the absence of God.

Sing Sing

Tuesday, August 22nd, 2023

Already distracted enough from the PDF textbook I’d gotten sidetracked from reading, I heard an intense, booming voice emanating through the decades old brick walls of the Student Center. From the second floor, I quickly packed my things and rushed outdoors to its stairwell balcony, searching frantically for the source. Was it some crazed preacher taking advantage of the warm weather to force his fire and brimstone speech upon impressionable youths? A local madman ranting and raving his personal truth? Yet another student protestor, this one armed with a more boisterous tone than usual? I had to know. I had to meet this man.

Turns out it was just some dude filming a (vertical!) video for The Internet. Why must today’s unapologetics be the most conformist?

Miss Washington DC

Thursday, June 29th, 2023

Weekend bullet points:

  • Smash! Records is great as always, and I noticed they have a Boomtown Rats photo on their beam. PUNK. Any record store that puts Shudder To Think and Nation of Ulysses CDs on the shelf is the real deal. Also PUNK.
  • W.I.T.C.H. and Death Valley Girls at the Black Cat Friday night. Exactly the tonic I needed. DVG ended their set with “Disaster (Is What We’re After)”, or one of the best modern psychedelic rock songs, during which I got to experience my first true “pit” as opposed to flinching on the periphery. My nose got bonked. Deliscious. Then W.I.T.C.H., whose name stands for “We Intend To Cause Havoc”, did exactly what they intended to do. I love getting myself lost in music, especially recently. It’s the closest I have to a religion, having never done drugs. Getting a brand new sonic prescription, not just through headphones but supplied directly through booming amplifiers, to truly lose myself in a dark room for a short while, was exactly what I needed. To let my head bang in whatever direction it wanted to and let it swell a little. A guy in a well fitting Jesus Lizard(!) shirt, tight pants, and combat boots was totally losing it right up against the amp for W.I.T.C.H.; I saw him around a few times throughout the night between bands. These are the things I like to see.
  • The Air and Space Museum is only half open for continuing renovations. What is open to the public is dazzling. I don’t really care about planes other than the uniforms of their stewardesses, but funky colored lights showcasing worldly posters about interconnection and a watch used to keep Martian time are my kind of deal.
  • The Hirshhorn reminds the public that we wouldn’t have Infinity Rooms without sixties anti-war abstraction and naked people frolicking in the street. It was great finally seeing some of Yayoi Kusama’s work in person. An exhibition of contemporary Chinese photography really enlightened me. Work under dictatorship.

Repetition, insanity, neurosis, shining stars within conformity, hum de hum de hum…

  • The Holocaust Museum is a uniquely exhausting experience. A necessary and perspective-expanding one, but still exhausting. You reach a point where you’re trying to comprehend a placard only to slowly realize that your brain can’t take any more comprehension to begin with. You experience a very unique kind of weight and gravity. Everyone should go once in their lives.
  • The U.S. Capitol needs a new drain pipe.

Everything’s Explodin’

Thursday, May 11th, 2023

Last night Tumblr decided to slip my feed some post regarding the anniversary of the Kent State shootings claiming that liberals wanting gun control is ACKTUALLY disrespectful to the students who died that day because they weren’t armed and not wanting people to have access to military grade weapons obviously means wanting the state armed to the teeth and honestly, that utter mental gymnastics bullshit barely phases me anymore. The amount of mental effort you have to put in to make yourself look so “owning” when you’re actually just an awful attention whore…is completely antithetical to the logical facts of how the world actually works. And I have the privilege of not having to pay attention to people who only want my outrage. I can laugh at them and go on my merry way focusing on what is actually important to my life and self betterment.

Most of last week was spent focusing on the May 4 commemoration, and it was probably the most overwhelming and valuable time of my life. Standing before a crowd of dedicated people, young and old, and getting to use my voice. Getting swarmed with messages of hope and support as a result. Connecting with so many kind, caring, fascinating individuals throughout the week. Working my tail off and juggling so many factors the entire time. It was extremely rewarding. Now I’m back home on a well deserved summer break. I’m feeling accomplished and more excited than I ever thought I’d be for next semester to start up. (Maybe some time I’ll eep out a more comprehensive recount. Who knows.)

Throughout my freshman year, I knew there was plenty I still had left to learn. Last week proved to me that there is even more for me to learn than I ever could have expected. It’s a pill I’ll have to swallow while everyone around me is monitoring my intake as good ol’ Senate Bill 83 aims its security cameras at me and everyone else. But it’s a dedication I’m willing to make, because it is how I want to spend my time, and I know firsthand that it is good for me.

And the last thing the powers that be want someone like me to do is spend my days doing something so invigorating.

Skooled

Sunday, January 29th, 2023

It’s really weird thinking about how you’re probably in the minority of students at your school who truly try to immerse themselves with their campus and the local area. So many people it seems just go home on weekends because they live close by. My mom made sure I knew how to do my own laundry before I shipped off to school; I wonder how many kids even use the laundry rooms in their dorms.

The other day I accidentally stumbled upon the blog of a girl who is also an honors freshman here, and she actually used not having a car as her reason for rarely going downtown. Yet she rides the bus to go to classes, so she must know it goes into the heart of downtown, right? For me, college is my time of independence and exploration, whether it’s in terms of trying out interesting classes, seeing what’s happening on campus, and trying out restaurants in town. I’m glad I’ve got the ambition to go out of my comfort zone like that.

Kent Skate (Yet)

Sunday, December 4th, 2022

As my last photos I posted indicated, I went ice skating for the first time on Friday. Ever since last year they’ve blocked off one of the streets by the campus’s barren, esplanaded edge and installed a rink for a few months in winter.

Friday was also the day the historic mill downtown caught fire. Before I went to the rink I was watching it being put out from a distance as blinking lights from the fire department’s vehicles punched holes in the black. Blocks away it was being pierced by cutesy Christmas lights they put around while I was home on break last weekend. They finally put the fire out yesterday afternoon. It made me angry at first. A seemingly eternal view, one that I had appreciated and even taken for granted, totally destroyed. I try to never take attending an institution with such a history attached to it for granted. I walk with the weight of a scholarship in memory of a man who worked his tail to preserve that history for future generations when he was alive; I can’t just take certain presences for granted, can I? But I still took that quaint Taco Tontos view for granted. Things are wack here.

Skating did help distract me, though. I had always wanted to try it out, and having roller skated on and off for a while, it was easy to pick up, as much as I clung to the wall. It felt satisfying and even empowering. I took a few knees and resigned with confidence (and one independent lap) to catch the last bus home. It just felt good, good to be out there doing something I had always wanted to, on a whim and without external limitation. Bruised knees are cool.

I skated for the second time tonight at the university arena, which has public skating sessions every so often. The lobby is excruciatingly wood panel, and it has the faint smell of popcorn from the snack bar. There is a party room where a bunch of little girls were having a party. Out on the rink I kept running into (not literally) a really adorable little girl with bangs, black leggings, and a slightly-too-big Nirvana shirt. I should’ve turned her on to the Melvins, but I had skating to do. Other than the small children (of which there were many), there were all kinds of people there, including funhaving college couples, cocky college boys, and a few seasoned vets who seemed to effortlessly glide across the floor. I kept looking at one guy, an older guy who looked kind of like David Crosby but not absurd in the facial hair department, who just casually sailed along with his hands in his pockets. He just seemed so cool.

I was not cool on the ice, or at least I didn’t feel cool, because my continued reliance on the wall got me trapped in a lot of traffic jams behind tiny children who didn’t really know how to skate, and I kept falling on my ass. My roller skating career ended when I was standing completely still in the middle of the street hockey court in a hometown-local park, lost my balance for a split second, fell on my ass, and sprained my wrist catching my fall. Obviously, I was overjoyed to keep falling on my ass. GREAT JOB.

I can tell I’m doing well just going out there at all, even if my confidence tonight lasted in spurts. It was just a different experience. It was admittedly a little hard to focus, especially when “You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful” segued into “Baby Shark” near the end of the hour and a half when the sound system had tired of Christmas music. (The downtown rink did supply “Simply Having A Wonderful Christmastime” at the same exact time as actual rain, but at least it stayed on theme.) I’m not sure if I made any progress tonight, really. But I don’t want to abandon it out of lack of immediate proficiency. Because when I do get into the zone, the things that weigh heavy are trivial, and I feel like I can do anything.

I think I can get the hang of it.

Numbers

Monday, November 7th, 2022

The first public May 4 Task Force meeting of the semester, and my first public meeting of the group overall, was on Thursday. In short, it was a very good time. Four new students showed up, one of whom said she learned of the meeting just hours before thanks to one of the posters I’d put up by one of the dining halls.

I’d been emailed the PDF at our first in-person officer meeting the previous Thursday, and I proceeded to make such rounds that afternoon that when I retired for the night, I was sweating like crazy because I had chosen to make my vigorous rounds in multiple layers. Recruitment is stpd but srs bsns. Especially when you’re automatically delegated the organization’s secretary upon invitation because there were literally two other students who were confirmed to be involved and they needed more leadership positions filled.

I posted some more in other locations throughout the next few days as opportunities came up—the dining hall poster that got us a new recruit was actually one of the last ones I’d put up. It’s wild to think that, though it’s very, very early in my time with the Task Force and at Kent State in general, I’m already having some sort of influence. Sophia, you sneaky bastard.

Hair Today.

Friday, October 28th, 2022

I’ve been feeling really confident about my sense of self lately. More and more often, there’s a part of looking in the mirror where I really feel like I’m looking at someone who is truly, authentically me. Sometimes I may whine-text to my boyfriend about the stupidest things or internally scream now-familiar sentences like “GOD WHY DID I EVER CHOOSE GOING TO COLLEGE IN OHIO,” but when my head swings back around, I’m really happy with where I am and what I’m doing…especially since it finally feels like I’m actually doing things. I think about my early, long-winded blog posts and think, wow, I was so pent up! I care less about how others see me now. Am I still a little precocious? Yes. But I’m not pretentious.

And then there’s my hair, as dumb as that sounds. But hair is a important part of one’s identity, and that notion has been on my mind considering how much my life has changed lately. I love being a blonde, and my roots, while untouched since September, aren’t as bad as I expected them to be. My grown-out bangs are pretty nice, and I’m dealing with the length as well as I can despite the existential crisis I go through every time I try to straighten it and it doesn’t turn out perfect. Yet there’s a part of me that longs for change. I NEEEED change.

Initially I thought about strawberry blonde for something not so dramatic and since I’ve always wanted a full head of red hair (though I don’t feel quite ready for it yet). But I’ve been thinking harder. Sophia, you know you can dye it aaaany color you’d like. You’re still in your young-n’-dumb phase. You’re allowed to do weird shit with your hair and make awful choices about it. The world is your oyster, man. Give it a little more than a trim. Give it a LOT more than a trim. Red. Brown. Multiple colors mixed together. BLACK.

The options seem endless. But I don’t do wigs, so I can only pick one. Maybe the independent life is making me psycho. Hair-psycho.

Tuesday, October 4th, 2022

Kent State’s bible thumpers are really leveling up their pamphlet game. A whole little book! That takes some amount of coin. And crazy.

As evidenced by this morning, their battle plan can also be best described as “divide and conquer.” And boy, did they conquer.

I had heard from some not-so-religious friends that they were handing them out by the MAC center, so I had to see what they were up to. Two of them were in front of the aforementioned building while another one was further closer to the Student Center.

I saw the former two chatting with each other in the moment right before the one closest to where I was walking reached out to me with a book, so I can only assume they were noting which one would be responsible for helping save my bleach-blonde soul.

After a brief stop in the Student Center, I took a semi-sneaky way around the Move The Gym annex in an attempt to avoid them on my way back to my dorm.

Ran into another one. A kid in a hoodie was seemingly denying his offer, but my iPod was turned up too loud to make out any discussion. I walked by as quickly and silently as I could.

In search of food, I was hoping the Design Innovation Hub would be a safe haven from campus creeps. Nope.

ANOTHER one of ‘em, brown suit and all, right in front of the main entrance with two others hanging out on the esplanade in the distance. Luckily the brown suit guy was too distracted trying to turn over some other chicks and I slipped by. He was still there when I took the long way out after my coffee and Rice Krispies.

We really do need a secular club on campus.